I haven’t post anything for quite a long time, but today was different – I felt really complicated inside myself and all sorts of emotions interlaced with one another. And suddenly I have a strong desire to share my feelings with someone.
Today is the last working day before National Day, but I didn’t think how special it is, especially to me. In the morning, I went to office and work as usual. Abundant Excel data analysis and boring copy and paste work always make me sleepy and no idle talk, no internet surfing, no on-line chat, no mind-wandering and no… in a word, no anything unrelated to work.
In order to refresh myself, I raise my head and sat up straight. Suddenly, I sensed something unusual – the whole world seemed to be brighter than any time. I looked through the window and I felt the flavor of sun. Now I noticed that it’s already autumn now. I can smell the delicate fragrance of osmanthus flowers. While looking at the bright sun outside, some delicate feelings came to mind.
This time 1 year ago, I was probably sitting in one of the classroom busy studying, or listening to one of the teacher’s interesting class, or sitting on the top of our dormitory building and enjoying the bright sun, or playing with my closest friends, or…Though I just left these beautiful time for only 3 months, but I know that I can never live this life again. Before leaving school, there are too many possibilities. Though most of my time was spent on study, I know that if I like, I could sit on the grass and play guitar or listen to others playing guitar. Though I didn’t spend too much time on gathering with my friends, I know that if I like, I can gather with them any time even all the time. However, all these things are far from me now – too far to reach.
This time 5 years ago, I was in high school. All my time are spent on study. In my mind and my parents’ minds, there was nothing more important than that. I never pay attention to any things, not alone the sunshine. No matter sun shines or not, there is nothing special to me. And when I think about that period of time now, I can feel the flavor of sun with the fragrance of osmanthus flowers. During that time, I also had many intimate friends, but now where are they? They and I just like two straight lines, we only have one intersection, which we spent in high school and from then on, our life can never relate to one another.
This time 12 years ago, I was in primary school. During that time, I was really carefree. I needn’t to care about anything. My parents had arranged everything for me. In this kind of sunny day, I was either playing crystal ball with my little pals, or sitting on bed and watching TV, or leaning on the wall of my house, which is the same age as me. During that period of time, whether it is sunny or rainy, it really had nothing to do with me. But now, my parents grow old little by little, they can’t arrange things for me anymore. I have to live my own life. I have to shoulder all the burdens myself. This feeling grew clear especially after my graduation. After two days, that will be Mid-Autumn Day, which is a reunion day for families in China, I feel guilty that I can’t stay together with my family.
In this world, there is only one sun forever. The flavor of sun will never change, only our feelings are changing. I want to tell myself and all of you, never forget to smell the flavor of sun, even we can’t see it, never to neglect any people around us, even they are not with us. We can’t live in the past, but the memory to past makes our life complete. In order to have a beautiful memory to the past, we should have a brilliant “now” – try not to leave any regret behind our footprints. During our old age, when we sit on the easy chair, enjoy the flavor of sun and recollect the past, we’ll find we are the happiest person in the world.
Who knows the results it’ll brings by challenging one’s biological clock? I once heard that when we are young, we’d better not to challenge our biological clock. It’ll do great harm to our body when we are old. Especially staying up all night. When I was a student, many of my classmates and friends would stay up all nights at the net bars. But I never do that. At least I know it’ll do no good.
This month, due to my work, I have to work at night for a whole month. This is really painful. Even during the weekends, I have to keep my timetable in line with that in week days. That means, I will not see the sun for a month. Now, three weeks have passed, how I wish these painful days can go quickly. However, my boss said that probably we should work overnights for aother month, Gee whiz!
I don’t know whether I can cope with it for another months, I don’t want to live several years less.
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Many things in this world, before we see them, hear them, touch them, or specifically, before we experience them, we’ll never know what they are like. If you want to know the height of the mountain, climb it. If you want to know the flat of the plain, run on it. If you want to know the taste of the strawberry, eat it. Experience can give you the answer to all the questions.
These days, my work is to make phone calls to some of the North American companies to get some information from them. This time I know what is straightforward and efficiency of American people. Before this, I can only learn that from books, but what I know before is a little bit different from what I feel now. Experience gives me more vivid feelings.
When I try to learn something from them, if they don’t want to tell me, I will get a “no” immediately no matter how many times I ask. But if they can tell me, they will talk with me even without knowing who I am and where I’m from. There was a man who ask for my name and my company’s name only after 40 minutes chat with me on the phone. Interesting!
The thing make me aware that we’ll never spend time on assuming something, if you want to know their true colors, just go to find out yourself.
Time passes really fast – last few days, I felt so fluctant to part with my friends, while more than a week has been passed. The life seems to be peaceful again. Today is another weekend, accompnied to my little brother, I went to the compus.
It was peaceful like all the other summer holidays, and sometimes, I can see few students. But this time, my feelings are quite different. In the past, even all my classmates left, I know they will be back, but this time they will never come back. I walked through the campus, all the things remain unchanged, all the plants are flourishing. After two months holiday, other students will go back to school again, but we won’t. Those paths of school, I’ve walked on for many times, but this time, I feel they does not belong to me, nor I belong to it. Before, I walked with my classmates, but this time I was alone. Times will bring our feelings to our campus away. All things will be far way from us gradually.
Several days have been passed after we graduate, and people who have to leave have already left. I have begun my new life in this familiar city. But these days I feel lost, and my heart feels empty. This weekend is the first weekend I spent without friends. Though I was accompanied by my girlfriend, I still feel pretty lonely. Though I was not so missed my friends as when they just leve, their faces and voices still reverberated in my mind time and time again.
As I need to adjust myself to the American working time due to the need of my work, I have to sleep in the daytime and do things in the night this weekend. This made me feel painful. In the daytime, I slept, but during the night, I didn’t know what to do. People in a peaceful night will think about many things voluntarily. Pictures of my university life always occur in my mind. I know what I should do, but I just had no mood to do anything. I always wondering what my friends’ life like in other places. Do they feel the same as me? Do thy have distress as me? or they can quickly have a normal life.
I know that there must be many friends in the different phases of our life. Some of them can be bosom friends, but when we part with each other for a long time, we may forget that we still have one this kind of friend. I am sure that some time later, my life will be normal again, and I am sure that my life will be better, but I don’t know at that time, whether I can remember those friends. But I will leave a place in my heart for them forever, no matter whether I can think of them.
All of my dear classmates, teachers and friends, goodbye.
We all knew the parting day, but we never want to mention it, for we knew that we can’t help to be sorrow. You are all my dearest and closest friends, when we can meet each other again after this time’s part? And when we meet again, can we feel so close to each other? I’m pretty sure that some of us can meet each other again, and I’m also pretty sure that we can never meet all of us together. As time flies, several months later, we may forget each other’s appearance, one year later, we may forget each other’s voice, and still as time goes on, we may forget the memory to things happened to each other. But we should never forget we have many many “befores” together, we’ve ever worked hard together, laughed happily together and cried loudly together.
Two of my best friends, I really feel reluctant to part with them, and I really want to see them off, but at last, I didn’t and will not. One of them told me she doesn’t want me to see her off, for that will only make us be sadder. She doesn’t like this kind of situation. And we’ll surely meet each other again, so she doesn’t want to be too sorrow. I agreed.
Yesterday, left Jolens, who and I just like brother for the four years campus life, But I didn’t see him off. Today I heard from one of my other classmates that Jolens burst into tears in the train station. Hearing this I can’t help to cry any more. Tonight, the other bosom friends will also leave. I won’t see her off either, for I believe in her words.
I cry to the sky and to you, I am waiting you here in this city.
For a long time, I don’t want to say out the word, for I don’t want to acknowledge the fact that I am going to graduate from the university. However, if I don’t say it out now, I will have no chance any more. Time on campus passes so fast that I even haven’t begun to enjoy it. It faster than sound, faster than light, and faster than out mind. As I sigh here with emotion, it moves nearer the graduation.
Last days, I’ve been working on my graduation thesis, which made me feel I am still a student. However, I cannot escape more. I can clearly feel the difference between school and society. As a man, I should say, there is too much burden to undertake. When I am still a student, my parents helped me undertake all the burden, now I should consider all the things. It come all of a sudden that I haven’t prepared well.
I am from countryside, which is very poor compared to the city. Affording one child to go to university is not an easy thing. However, I still have a little brother studying in high school. Every time I went home, seeing the aged parents, I don’t have the heart to request anything from them. So, from this semaster, I haven’t use any money from home. But it really difficult. Maybe you are wondering why a child more than 20 years old still cannot live by himself. It is hard to explain. In China, so many reasons cause the condition. If you have ever been to China, probably you can understand it better. Now, less than 15 days from my graduation, I still have no money to rent a house. I don’t know what to do, and I just feel so helpless.
As I graduation student, I have too many feelings and too many words to say, but now I don’t know how to begin, maybe I will write it later.
Sometimes we may find that people chase the bus that just start, but it doesn’t stop no matter how long you run or how loud you yell. I’ve seen this many times in our city and also in some other cities. I complained that the bus drivers are too indifferent – it just takes one minute for the driver to stop the bus and let one person on, while it takes 15 or more minutes for the person to wait for another bus. As a bus driver, he is doing service for the public, how can he be so indifferent? I think many people have the same doubt with me.
This morning, when I was waiting the bus, I saw the same thing happened again. An old lady chased and yelled after the bus but the bus still run away. But this time, I found the “secret” why the bus drivers are so “indifferent”. When the bus start, the drivers’ attention is always paid to the left rearview mirror of the bus to see whether there are vehicles are overtaking it. However, people always chase the bus in its right side, because the doors of the bus are in the right side. So this makes bus drives can not see people chasing the bus.
In addition, when the bus is just started, the sound of the engine is very noisy, so the drivers cannot hear people’s yelling either. Probably this can explain why the bus drivers are so “indifferent”. But this is not universally applied. We should also admit that there are drivers who don’t have a good morality.
I always thought that I am perseverant. When I start a thing, I can stick to it. I have strong ability to control myself, so I cannot easily immerse into any irrelevant thing. My girlfriend said I am a little arrogant, but I don’t agree. In my eyes, that is not arrogant, but confident.
These ideas were always bare in my mind, so I can’t feel any change in my habit and everyday life. Now I am gradually aware of the problems. As four years university life goes to the end. A lot of things have been changed. What we are going to face is society. Graduate this year is not an easy thing. To find a job, especially a better paying job is too difficult for us. Compared to others of the same period with me, I am a little lucky for I’ve already found a job in the first term of the senior- year. When I step into the society from school, my feeling is complicated. I want to do well in my job. And also have to bring a good end to my university life. I plan to learn this, and plan to learn that… but nothing has been turned into reality.
After a day’s tire work, I came to my dormitory. The only thing I want to do is to relax and have some fun. So my dream, my work, my plan, my paper…all these things are procrastinated day by day, week by week. It seems that I have dream and goal, but I didn’t start and haven’t got any detailed schedule to realize them. All these seem to be too pale.
I get up late in the morning, go to work, and then come back in the night. As long as I have time, I will surf the internet and doing some useless things. I only get my school assignments ready until the last minute, and until my teachers hasten me.
This me is quite different from the usual one. The changes were gradually, before I can aware that. I thought they can do little harm to me. But I was wrong, totally wrong. In the bottom of my heart, I don’t want to be a man like that at all. But how can I allow it happens.
I am not a perseverant man. I need change!
Last month, I registered in a driving school. Since there were too many people registered, so I had to wait until this week. This week we learned the “theory lessons” as we call it – that including the traffic signs, the traffic police’s gestures, basic knowledge about driving and also knowledge about the automobile. To be frank, these are not very difficult, for the questions in the exam are all the choice question and true-or-false question. However, the cut – off scores are 90 grades out of 100. To many people, this is not that easy.
Before the test, I have done a lot of exercises, and every time I can pass it, so I didn’t worry about that. Yesterday morning we have a model test, and I scored 97. This made me more confident about it. Surprisingly, the teacher of the driving school phoned me yesterday afternoon and he asked me to show consideration for people beside me during the test. I never expect a teacher would ask his student to cheat in the exam. This is quite different from that in school. Now I can understand quite well how the school different from the society! I promised him I will if the condition allows me.
This morning, before I got the test site, a man phoned me and told me he is the one who will sit beside me. And then we met. He is more than 40 years old with a big fat body – I appeared so small while standing beside him. From his appearance, I could judge that he is very rich. We chatted a little before the test.
At the beginning of the test, I was doing my own paper. After that I tried my best to tell him how to do it. I found he knows little about the answers. Before I told him, he has already finished part of the test, and I just told him the answer to questions that he didn’t answer. To be frank, I was a little worried at that time. On one hand, I worried about my own test, because some the questions I was not so sure about, and on the other, that was the first time I cheat in an exam, though the invigilators are not so strict. After I helped him filled the blank, we both handed it on.
Unfortunately, he got 89 – only one grades missed. I was very regretted about that, if only I helped him check the answers he did, the result would be different. I really wanted to help him. This is first time others asked me to do a favor of this kind and they trusted me a lot. But I let them down. I found I was so regretful that just as I didn’t pass it.