Sometimes, what people did seems quite different from what they thought. They did things without any thinking at the moment, while they'll think a lot after the things were done. Why? I thought the question many times, only one conclusion I've made. That is: We are not real ourselves.
This afternoon, my boss have a talk to me. She said that the accommodation of the company is not enough, and because I haven't graduate yet, so I may need to move to live in my school dormitory (that can be accepted, no problem!). What's more, due to that I studied in a local university, they can not give me the housing allowance. I asked why - she said this is a new regulation of the company (this cannot be accepted at all!). Then, I didn't say anything and I accepted the result. However, I feel very depressed afterwards. You told me that employees who don't live in the company accommodation would have a housing allowance, why do you regret now? There are so many new graduates in the company, why do this happen to me, not others? So many "question mark" filled in my mind the whole afternoon.
Since my boss's words made me so unhappy and agonizing, why didn't I tell her my ideas directely? (To be frank, I really can't understand how can I accept her requirements even without saying anything!) Maybe I considered too much at that time. I had long been made to accept things silently - just change things that can be changed, leave alone ones that cannot be changed, and in China, this is an old tradition - to say no to others is really a hard thing. If you do this, you will be considered to be too realistic or materialistic. In China, we advocate the notion that "people do great works don't care about small issues". So we don't like to say "no" to others, especially when it needs to give up our own interstes. Say "no" to others is considered to be a kind of losing face. We do afraid of losing face, aren't we?
As a matter of fact, most people who give up their own interests for the sake of others will regret or unhappy afterwards. In this case, please do not do that, that's OK! I think we are not living truly. We fear to express our true ideas. To be a true man, at least we should express our true feelings - just call a spade a spade. What you said may make others not happy at the moment, but if you do things you don't want to, you may be unhappy for a long time. In addition, if people know that you cheated them, they will be even more unhappy.