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Save Money 01/10/2010
 
Tonight when I went shopping, I bought a set of clothes which cost me 160RMB and other things like vegetables and some fast-food, etc. In total, I spent 180RMB tonight. Is it a waste of money?

On my way back home, I was thinking, what can be seen as saving money? Tonight, my mum phoned me. She said that she had prepared some salted food for me to bring with when I go back during this Spring Festival. Things she prepared include salted duck, chicken, sausage and so on. I told her that I needn’t that much food and I have lots of things here. I told her to leave food to herself. But she said that she just want to save money for me.

Since I left school, she had worried for me all the time. She worried that when I get married, I won’t have money to buy a house, so she always tried to save money for me, and she had told me many times to save money. All the money she saved by the salted food can’t be more than that I spent one night. I feel ashamed. I was brought up by my parents, and now we are living two different kind of life. 200RMB can be spent by me in one hour even one minute, but my parents need to earn it by spending 10 days in the crop field.

It is so ironical that my mother spent several days even months to save several hundred of money for me while I spent it in several minutes. 

This is life!
 
Secret Santa 12/26/2009
 
—— I wonder what can be seen as valuable present, only that with beautiful package and expensive price? My 7-hours’ hard-working is just worth nothing but rubbish.
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Secret Santa is a game we played during the Christmas party.

Before the party, each of us will choose a gift for another person, and we draw straws to decide who we’ll choose present for. Nobody knows others’ present and whom it will be sent. During the party, everybody will receive a secret present and we won’t know who sent it. This called secret Santa.

The person I chose is a girl, and I had been thinking a long time to decide what to send. At last, I decided to make a Christmas card myself. This is meaningful and it can show my sincerity more. So I did. I bought several paperboards, double-sided tape and a small carving-knife. Spent 7 hours during the Christmas Eve, I finished the card. I was very satisfied - there are carves of Christmas tree, Santa Claus and Chinese characters and Santa Claus’s face was changed to the girl's. All things went smoothly, and the card is really beautiful. I even could imagine the girl’s surprise when she receives the card.

The party was held on time. All the presents were put together in a corner. During the dinner, the girl went to find her present. But when she found her present is only a card, she was disappointed, she even didn’t open it. I was so sad at that time. But what made me more ashamed is that she screamed it out. She shouted that which stupid and mean guy only bought me a card. Rubbish card, rubbish guy. She used the most vulgar words to describe the card and the guy. Everybody laughed at the one who send a card as gift. The girl talked to everybody about the gift he will receive and asked who sent the gift. This was a disaster to me, and my esteem was hurt so much. In my 21 years life, I never feel hurt like that. I felt that I was on pins and needles. Even she didn’t know who sent the card, but I just  want to escape from the party and hide somewhere forever.

I wonder what can be seen as valuable present, only that with beautiful package and expensive price? My 7-hours’ hard-working is just worth nothing but rubbish.
 
 
Take Care of the KEYS. It is the most profound truth I learned tonight.

After dinner, I went to play table tennis with my colleagues. After we play for some time, my girlfriend sent me a SMS, and then I chatted with her on the phone. For lacking of power, my cell phone was turned off automatically. In order not to make her worry about me, so we went back.

When I got to the gate of my little quarter, guess what? I couldn’t find my keys. Then I remember that I had forgotten my keys in the basket of my colleague’s bike. Then I tried to phone him, suddenly I realized that my phone was power-off, and I had no my money with me. Bad luck! What can I do? Should I stay out for a whole night? How cold it might be. I have home, but I cannot go back. I have phone, but I cannot make calls, I know where the keys are, but I cannot get them. What a shitty day!

I thought to ask somebody to borrow a phone, but I was afraid to be treated as a cheat or something else. I didn’t want to. I was waiting, just in case my colleague found the key and sent it back. But he didn’t back. I had no choice but to borrow a phone. I targeted a girl who is alone for I don’t want to be laughed at by more people. Then I went to the girl and said to her

       “Can you lend me your phone for a call?”

       “a long-distance or a short distance?” She asked me precautiously and seriously.

       “short-distance”, I answered.

She took out of her phone unwillingly and hesitantly. Thank goodness, I phoned my colleague at the drop of a hat, and gave back her phone with millions of thanks. I was so embarrassed at that time. Was she worrying and wondering whether I am a bad guy? Was she preparing to shy out in case I run with the phone? Was she expecting and planning for the worst? Was she…?

What an awkward experience！Today is really not my day. Anyway, no matter when and where, take care of your KEYS is a word from me.

 
Loneliness 10/25/2009
 
What is loneliness? I didn’t know before, but I do know now.

Anything that doesn’t happen to us is never felt in our hearts.

We think we are the greatest only because our ignorantness

The more we experiences, the tiny we feel we are.

 

loneliness makes us feel that we are the only people in the world

even with so many people’s accompanies.

loneliness makes us feel we are living in the endless darkness

even with bright sun shines.

 

Loneliness is also a vile enemy

It never bothers us when we are with our friends

It hides to the deepest corner in our hearts

And only attacks us when we are alone and helpless

 
 
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Country road,
Take me home,
To the place
I belong
…

Finally during this National Day, I went home! Finally!

My girlfriend said, “Nobody stops you from going back”. Right, so I did. My parents and I had planned this for a long time, but it is always one thing or another stops me. I wanted to make everything perfect, but I couldn’t, didn’t and needn’t. Just go back. Finally, I made it.

The night before going back, I went to the supermarket and bought a soy milk grinder for my mother. When I phoned to tell her this, she refused and seemed to be very angry about this. She said if I take this home, she would beat me. I couldn’t understand why. But I had already bought it. I could only bring it home.

After taking more than three hours’ bus, I got home. Not surprisingly, my mother didn’t beat me. But I still don’t know the reason for her angriness. Anyway, my coming back was really a happy thing for the whole family, even my disabled grandpa seemed to be a bit more active. 

Because I still had to go back to work, I just stayed home for 4 days. During these 4 days, I got the reason why my mother doesn’t want me to buy the grinder. I am too young to know the difficulty of earning money, especially for a rural family. People in city have set job, and set salary each month, only if they lose their job. They need not to worry about it. But at the countryside, the situation changed. When the busy farming seasons passes, it’s hard to earn money. So they should make an elaborate plan to use the money. The money I used to buy the grinder equals four day’s hard work of picking cotton in my home.

Time passed too quickly. These four days was the happiest time for my mother, for after those days, she would be alone. The day before I left, we saw off my father. He went to find labor work in city – my mother urged him to do this. She is not too old to aware that she will be alone when my father is gone.

On the back bus, I thought a lot about my parents, especially my mother, she is too painstaking. How can she endure all these things! As a son, how I can make my parents live at ease will be the most important thing in my life. How far is it from my apartment from my home? How far is it from the city to the country? How far is it from me to my parents? Nobody knows. Me either. But I know that if I can act as a son, these will be nothing.

All my memories gather round her
Miner's lady stranger to blue water 
Dark and dusty painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine teardrop in my eyes 
…
 
Flavor of Sun 09/30/2009
 
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I haven’t post anything for quite a long time, but today was different – I felt really complicated inside myself and all sorts of emotions interlaced with one another. And suddenly I have a strong desire to share my feelings with someone.

Today is the last working day before National Day, but I didn’t think how special it is, especially to me. In the morning, I went to office and work as usual. Abundant Excel data analysis and boring copy and paste work always make me sleepy and no idle talk, no internet surfing, no on-line chat, no mind-wandering and no… in a word, no anything unrelated to work.

In order to refresh myself, I raise my head and sat up straight. Suddenly, I sensed something unusual – the whole world seemed to be brighter than any time. I looked through the window and I felt the flavor of sun. Now I noticed that it’s already autumn now. I can smell the delicate fragrance of osmanthus flowers. While looking at the bright sun outside, some delicate feelings came to mind.

This time 1 year ago, I was probably sitting in one of the classroom busy studying, or listening to one of the teacher’s interesting class, or sitting on the top of our dormitory building and enjoying the bright sun, or playing with my closest friends, or…Though I just left these beautiful time for only 3 months, but I know that I can never live this life again. Before leaving school, there are too many possibilities. Though most of my time was spent on study, I know that if I like, I could sit on the grass and play guitar or listen to others playing guitar. Though I didn’t spend too much time on gathering with my friends, I know that if I like, I can gather with them any time even all the time. However, all these things are far from me now – too far to reach.

This time 5 years ago, I was in high school. All my time are spent on study. In my mind and my parents’ minds, there was nothing more important than that. I never pay attention to any things, not alone the sunshine. No matter sun shines or not, there is nothing special to me. And when I think about that period of time now, I can feel the flavor of sun with the fragrance of osmanthus flowers. During that time, I also had many intimate friends, but now where are they? They and I just like two straight lines, we only have one intersection, which we spent in high school and from then on, our life can never relate to one another.

This time 12 years ago, I was in primary school. During that time, I was really carefree. I needn’t to care about anything. My parents had arranged everything for me. In this kind of sunny day, I was either playing crystal ball with my little pals, or sitting on bed and watching TV, or leaning on the wall of my house, which is the same age as me. During that period of time, whether it is sunny or rainy, it really had nothing to do with me. But now, my parents grow old little by little, they can’t arrange things for me anymore. I have to live my own life. I have to shoulder all the burdens myself. This feeling grew clear especially after my graduation. After two days, that will be Mid-Autumn Day, which is a reunion day for families in China, I feel guilty that I can’t stay together with my family.

In this world, there is only one sun forever. The flavor of sun will never change, only our feelings are changing. I want to tell myself and all of you, never forget to smell the flavor of sun, even we can’t see it, never to neglect any people around us, even they are not with us. We can’t live in the past, but the memory to past makes our life complete. In order to have a beautiful memory to the past, we should have a brilliant “now” – try not to leave any regret behind our footprints. During our old age, when we sit on the easy chair, enjoy the flavor of sun and recollect the past, we’ll find we are the happiest person in the world.
 
 
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Who knows the results it’ll brings by challenging one’s biological clock? I once heard that when we are young, we’d better not to challenge our biological clock. It’ll do great harm to our body when we are old. Especially staying up all night. When I was a student, many of my classmates and friends would stay up all nights at the net bars. But I never do that. At least I know it’ll do no good.

This month, due to my work, I have to work at night for a whole month. This is really painful. Even during the weekends, I have to keep my timetable in line with that in week days. That means, I will not see the sun for a month. Now, three weeks have passed, how I wish these painful days can go quickly. However, my boss said that probably we should work overnights for aother month, Gee whiz!

I don’t know whether I can cope with it for another months, I don’t want to live several years less.

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Many things in this world, before we see them, hear them, touch them, or specifically, before we experience them, we’ll never know what they are like. If you want to know the height of the mountain, climb it. If you want to know the flat of the plain, run on it. If you want to know the taste of the strawberry, eat it. Experience can give you the answer to all the questions.

These days, my work is to make phone calls to some of the North American companies to get some information from them. This time I know what is straightforward and efficiency of American people. Before this, I can only learn that from books, but what I know before is a little bit different from what I feel now. Experience gives me more vivid feelings.

When I try to learn something from them, if they don’t want to tell me, I will get a “no” immediately no matter how many times I ask. But if they can tell me, they will talk with me even without knowing who I am and where I’m from. There was a man who ask for my name and my company’s name only after 40 minutes chat with me on the phone. Interesting!

The thing make me aware that we’ll never spend time on assuming something, if you want to know their true colors, just go to find out yourself.
 
 
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Time passes really fast – last few days, I felt so fluctant to part with my friends, while more than a week has been passed. The life seems to be peaceful again. Today is another weekend, accompnied to my little brother, I went to the compus.

It was peaceful like all the other summer holidays, and sometimes, I can see few students. But this time, my feelings are quite different. In the past, even all my classmates left, I know they will be back, but this time they will never come back. I walked through the campus, all the things remain unchanged, all the plants are flourishing. After two months holiday, other students will go back to school again, but we won’t. Those paths of school, I’ve walked on for many times, but this time, I feel they does not belong to me, nor I belong to it. Before, I walked with my classmates, but this time I was alone. Times will bring our feelings to our campus away. All things will be far way from us gradually.
 
Lost 07/06/2009
 
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Several days have been passed after we graduate, and people who have to leave have already left. I have begun my new life in this familiar city. But these days I feel lost, and my heart feels empty. This weekend is the first weekend I spent without friends. Though I was accompanied by my girlfriend, I still feel pretty lonely. Though I was not so missed my friends as when they just leve, their faces and voices still reverberated in my mind time and time again.

As I need to adjust myself to the American working time due to the need of my work, I have to sleep in the daytime and do things in the night this weekend. This made me feel painful. In the daytime, I slept, but during the night, I didn’t know what to do. People in a peaceful night will think about many things voluntarily. Pictures of my university life always occur in my mind. I know what I should do, but I just had no mood to do anything. I always wondering what my friends’ life like in other places. Do they feel the same as me? Do thy have distress as me? or they can quickly have a normal life.

I know that there must be many friends in the different phases of our life. Some of them can be bosom friends, but when we part with each other for a long time, we may forget that we still have one this kind of friend. I am sure that some time later, my life will be normal again, and I am sure that my life will be better, but I don’t know at that time, whether I can remember those friends. But I will leave a place in my heart for them forever, no matter whether I can think of them.