I’ve been thinking about the salary issue for the whole night. I know I can’t accept it, unless you do that without thinking our feelings.

You know what, we’ve been expecting the increase of the salary for six months, and we only find out that there is no increase. You did let us down. You said that this year is a proper time to move to this new salary-increasing system just because we get more bonuses. But did you aware that we get no profit share from the company? Actually, we don’t care too much about when you will move to what new system as long as that won’t influence our benefits. But this time it did.

In the first half year, we all know that we’ll get more bonuses at the end of the year, we were all greatly motivated. We worked hard for the past half year. But now when we know that we don’t have salary increase in the middle of year, you know how disappointed we are! Now, you change the January increase and July increase to one “big” January increase, can you ensure that we can get twice of that before? Even though, How about our hard work this half year? It already turns to nothing.

Another thing that really makes us sad is that last time when you change bonus scheme, at least you asked about our ideas. But this time, we don’t know it at all. Now it’s already August, when we are all waiting for out increased July salary, but we get the information that there is no increase this time. It seems that the decision has long been made. Have you done it intentionally to disappoint us? 

Before, I thought I’m promising in the company, but it seems that I am wrong. You said you are always thinking for us, but is that true? If it’s true, why your decisions can just make us disappoint and even angry with the company. We are all not born yesterday. We know what is good for us. You never know what we want as a staff. We do need high salary, but a strong sense of satisfaction is more important. If you continue to do things as you want, the only result will be that all your experienced staff leaves the company with disappointment and dissatisfaction.
 
 
Since I lost money last month, the life seems to be more difficult, or the life may have never being easy.

Till this month, I have been working for a year. When I think back, the only thing I got in the year is working experience, not a single penny saved. But I always believe that life is getting better and better.

Being stayed with me for a year, my girlfriend finally comprised to the reality – she chose a job which is not in the city. She can only come back once a week. I was thinking that this is not too bad. She can come to me each week, anyway. But after two weeks, it seems that it is not the thing. She told me, she doesn’t want to go back every week, because every time, the travelling fee worth her one weeks’ living cost. And she’ll be tired of travelling between two places.

Every time now we go to supermarkets, we look a lot, but buy few. Every time I want to buy her things she’d like to have, she refuses. She told me it’ll be a waste. She dreams that one day we have enough money to buy whatever we want.

I never ignore the role of money in my life, but never before like these days, I feel that I have to earn as much as possible. I have to work hard to make her life easy. If I am excellent enough, she won’t feel like that. Even I’m indifferent to fame and fortune, I can’t expect all the people I love are the same, so I have the responsibility to make them a better life.

There are lots of obstacles are waiting for me. However, I believe life is getting better and better.

 
 
Today, the scene I always watch on TV and news happened to me. I felt desperate at that time. I hate to say it again, but I really want to let you all know.
On my way home after work this afternoon, I went to bank to withdraw some money. As usual, I went to the ATM, plug-in card, enter password and withdraw cash. After I put the cash in my wallet, I planned to have a check of the remaining amount in my account. Just at the moment, I felt some people came into the bank booth. One fat man came to me directly to ask me something. I didn’t hear clearly at that time, but suddenly I heard that my card was pull out and when I turned my head, I found another used card was in the machine. Suddenly I understood that I suffer robber!!!!!!
I did nothing but looked at them leave with my card. My excuse to myself was that they are not one person and I am too weak to fight with them. I may lose some money but I don’t want to lose my life or any part of my body.
Anyway, let it go. Immediately after they leave I reported the loss of the card to the bank and I called the police and told them all the details I know. Till now, I still don’t know whether I have loss the money or not. Tomorrow morning, I will go to the bank to check the account. God bless me!!! One word for summary, in facing of a robber, I’m timid and I am not as brave as I thought. L
 
 
This morning, on my way to work, I found a lot of people were around the two high schools. I realized that today is the first day of College Entrance Exam.

My past days came into my mind. In order to go to university, for the 3 years in high school, every day, we have to spend even 14 - 16 hours to study. Each night, we can hardly sleep very well. Millions of tests, quizzes came every day. It is said that to have College entrance exam is just like millions of troops to pass a single-log bridge. On the other end of bridge is our bright future. But is this the fact?

Each of us has tried a lot to enter college to find a better job after graduation in China, but in recent years, the unemployment rate of college students become higher and higher. On the other hand, many of the factories in China can't hire sufficient workers, especially workers with great expertise and skills. This is really upsetting.
 
 
Expert and seminar are closely related. Experts often attend seminars, but people who attend seminars are not always experts.

Since this year, I have delivered several speeches and attended some seminars. All the things I talked are based on what I do in the company – market research.

I do like attending those kinds of activities, because they provided me opportunities to go out of office. For me personally, I can take the chances to have trips to various places and learn different people’s ideas on the industry. For the company, those activities can make us more famous in the industry.

Recently, there is another conference organizer invites me to go to Taipei to attend a seminar. To be frank, every time I heard this kind of news, I feel happy together with sad. Others would like to invite me means that they believe that they can learn something from me. But actually, I realized I am living under a mask – my company and my job title. Maybe I know much less than they do. Speeches and seminars make me think that I am important and knowledgeable, but it is not a fact that he who attends many seminars is expert.

Anyway, this is not bad, it will motivate me to learn more to become a deserved expert.
 
 
Tonight when I went shopping, I bought a set of clothes which cost me 160RMB and other things like vegetables and some fast-food, etc. In total, I spent 180RMB tonight. Is it a waste of money?

On my way back home, I was thinking, what can be seen as saving money? Tonight, my mum phoned me. She said that she had prepared some salted food for me to bring with when I go back during this Spring Festival. Things she prepared include salted duck, chicken, sausage and so on. I told her that I needn’t that much food and I have lots of things here. I told her to leave food to herself. But she said that she just want to save money for me.

Since I left school, she had worried for me all the time. She worried that when I get married, I won’t have money to buy a house, so she always tried to save money for me, and she had told me many times to save money. All the money she saved by the salted food can’t be more than that I spent one night. I feel ashamed. I was brought up by my parents, and now we are living two different kind of life. 200RMB can be spent by me in one hour even one minute, but my parents need to earn it by spending 10 days in the crop field.

It is so ironical that my mother spent several days even months to save several hundred of money for me while I spent it in several minutes. 

This is life!
 
 
—— I wonder what can be seen as valuable present, only that with beautiful package and expensive price? My 7-hours’ hard-working is just worth nothing but rubbish.
Picture
Secret Santa is a game we played during the Christmas party.

Before the party, each of us will choose a gift for another person, and we draw straws to decide who we’ll choose present for. Nobody knows others’ present and whom it will be sent. During the party, everybody will receive a secret present and we won’t know who sent it. This called secret Santa.

The person I chose is a girl, and I had been thinking a long time to decide what to send. At last, I decided to make a Christmas card myself. This is meaningful and it can show my sincerity more. So I did. I bought several paperboards, double-sided tape and a small carving-knife. Spent 7 hours during the Christmas Eve, I finished the card. I was very satisfied - there are carves of Christmas tree, Santa Claus and Chinese characters and Santa Claus’s face was changed to the girl's. All things went smoothly, and the card is really beautiful. I even could imagine the girl’s surprise when she receives the card.

The party was held on time. All the presents were put together in a corner. During the dinner, the girl went to find her present. But when she found her present is only a card, she was disappointed, she even didn’t open it. I was so sad at that time. But what made me more ashamed is that she screamed it out. She shouted that which stupid and mean guy only bought me a card. Rubbish card, rubbish guy. She used the most vulgar words to describe the card and the guy. Everybody laughed at the one who send a card as gift. The girl talked to everybody about the gift he will receive and asked who sent the gift. This was a disaster to me, and my esteem was hurt so much. In my 21 years life, I never feel hurt like that. I felt that I was on pins and needles. Even she didn’t know who sent the card, but I just  want to escape from the party and hide somewhere forever.

I wonder what can be seen as valuable present, only that with beautiful package and expensive price? My 7-hours’ hard-working is just worth nothing but rubbish.

 
 
Take Care of the KEYS. It is the most profound truth I learned tonight.

After dinner, I went to play table tennis with my colleagues. After we play for some time, my girlfriend sent me a SMS, and then I chatted with her on the phone. For lacking of power, my cell phone was turned off automatically. In order not to make her worry about me, so we went back.

When I got to the gate of my little quarter, guess what? I couldn’t find my keys. Then I remember that I had forgotten my keys in the basket of my colleague’s bike. Then I tried to phone him, suddenly I realized that my phone was power-off, and I had no my money with me. Bad luck! What can I do? Should I stay out for a whole night? How cold it might be. I have home, but I cannot go back. I have phone, but I cannot make calls, I know where the keys are, but I cannot get them. What a shitty day!

I thought to ask somebody to borrow a phone, but I was afraid to be treated as a cheat or something else. I didn’t want to. I was waiting, just in case my colleague found the key and sent it back. But he didn’t back. I had no choice but to borrow a phone. I targeted a girl who is alone for I don’t want to be laughed at by more people. Then I went to the girl and said to her

       “Can you lend me your phone for a call?”

       “a long-distance or a short distance?” She asked me precautiously and seriously.

       “short-distance”, I answered.

She took out of her phone unwillingly and hesitantly. Thank goodness, I phoned my colleague at the drop of a hat, and gave back her phone with millions of thanks. I was so embarrassed at that time. Was she worrying and wondering whether I am a bad guy? Was she preparing to shy out in case I run with the phone? Was she expecting and planning for the worst? Was she…?

What an awkward experienceToday is really not my day. Anyway, no matter when and where, take care of your KEYS is a word from me.

 
 
What is loneliness? I didn’t know before, but I do know now.

Anything that doesn’t happen to us is never felt in our hearts.

We think we are the greatest only because our ignorantness

The more we experiences, the tiny we feel we are.

 

loneliness makes us feel that we are the only people in the world

even with so many people’s accompanies.

loneliness makes us feel we are living in the endless darkness

even with bright sun shines.

 

Loneliness is also a vile enemy

It never bothers us when we are with our friends

It hides to the deepest corner in our hearts

And only attacks us when we are alone and helpless

 
 
Picture
Country road,
Take me home,
To the place
I belong


Finally during this National Day, I went home! Finally!

My girlfriend said, “Nobody stops you from going back”. Right, so I did. My parents and I had planned this for a long time, but it is always one thing or another stops me. I wanted to make everything perfect, but I couldn’t, didn’t and needn’t. Just go back. Finally, I made it.

The night before going back, I went to the supermarket and bought a soy milk grinder for my mother. When I phoned to tell her this, she refused and seemed to be very angry about this. She said if I take this home, she would beat me. I couldn’t understand why. But I had already bought it. I could only bring it home.

After taking more than three hours’ bus, I got home. Not surprisingly, my mother didn’t beat me. But I still don’t know the reason for her angriness. Anyway, my coming back was really a happy thing for the whole family, even my disabled grandpa seemed to be a bit more active. 

Because I still had to go back to work, I just stayed home for 4 days. During these 4 days, I got the reason why my mother doesn’t want me to buy the grinder. I am too young to know the difficulty of earning money, especially for a rural family. People in city have set job, and set salary each month, only if they lose their job. They need not to worry about it. But at the countryside, the situation changed. When the busy farming seasons passes, it’s hard to earn money. So they should make an elaborate plan to use the money. The money I used to buy the grinder equals four day’s hard work of picking cotton in my home.

Time passed too quickly. These four days was the happiest time for my mother, for after those days, she would be alone. The day before I left, we saw off my father. He went to find labor work in city – my mother urged him to do this. She is not too old to aware that she will be alone when my father is gone.

On the back bus, I thought a lot about my parents, especially my mother, she is too painstaking. How can she endure all these things! As a son, how I can make my parents live at ease will be the most important thing in my life. How far is it from my apartment from my home? How far is it from the city to the country? How far is it from me to my parents? Nobody knows. Me either. But I know that if I can act as a son, these will be nothing.

All my memories gather round her
Miner's lady stranger to blue water 
Dark and dusty painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine teardrop in my eyes